Stained

Rough times, rough weeks.

So it had been tough for me, trying to mend my relationship with the people i love the most. People's trust. People's belief in me. Because i didn't want to ruin all that. I wanted people to look up to me when they're in need because it makes me feel good about it. However it's another painstaking for me - like a sacrificial. You'll never know if that someone had taken advantage of you.

For the past few days, there had been turn of events. I was lost with no directions again. I felt so afraid. I wasn't so sure of the path that was leading me to. I didn't know what was right and wrong anymore. Till that very night, when i had a very serious conversation with my parents. That got me thinking very hard.

I wasn't feeling very rebellious when they talked their thoughts out because i knew that i was partially at fault too. Allah knows how much mistakes i must have had done. Just that i rebelled their words when they started talking about the difference between the past and now. I 'geddit'.

The next day mom got admitted to the hospital but was treated outpatient after that. I could not stop thinking of the things i had done to cause me so much guiltiness and the trust my mom had put on me. I promised myself that i didn't mind staying alone forever to make up to my worst. I felt so ashamed of my own doings. I really did regret it so much. It still lingers around my mind. It had stained too much.

Furthermore i was worried of what would happened if something went wrong. I was not prepared for any of these.