Thursday, February 23, 2017

DESTINY

Dear Kanda,

You were the first few whom had tried to court me but you were the only one whom had not given up!

I vividly remembered the first day of school and we had to play the "ice breaking game" - sort of like an introduction of ourselves to everyone. You were shy when it came to your turn. I didn't pay much attention to you because we all knew who was the eye candy in the class. I described you as the nerd (pretty naive and vain of me to call you a geek while i was one too) - frankly speaking we were ugly ducklings!

We grew up trying to stay in contact with one another. You wondered why i considered you to be part of my circle - that of which i'm not sure because i had always felt that i'm not allowed to leave you behind. It was like i couldn't afford to lose you!

I couldn't understand then but i now clearly understood why الله had set for me this path. I believed that he wanted me to believe the true meaning of Destiny. That of which i reminisced the day it was dated back in 2006 that i won the singing competition with a song called Destiny by Misha Omar (originally to sang Disney songs but CD broke into half).

To many times i had tried pushing you away so you could stop having hopes on me, but that didn't even bother you at all. Okay. Maybe you did. You'd say Ouch..

I watched you becoming the man i know you right now.

I saw you struggled through every relationships you had. Tough breakdowns and heartaches left marks on you but that didn't make you weak.


Dated back in 2015, we would use to lepak and even stayed up late nights going out for night-cycling or simply sharing stories before you started booking-in. The night after we met with Radin and Ader, you sent me home. Correct me if i'm wrong but i remembered the very first time i laid my head on your shoulder because i was exhausted from school activities during the day. I didn't think much about the actions or hopes that i was giving you. After all at that point, i regarded you as a best friend. Nothing more..

Ever since then we were constantly meeting up and going out. We didn't really expected it to be dates. You told me once that with your exes, you had never even gone on a date before it got really serious. It was like a suicidal attempt on those relationships you had. I found it to be hilarious but like they said - boys and girls do crazy things when they are "together".



So we got together on the 2nd August 2015 (#twoaug). A day after the last show of our musical that happened on the 1st August 2015.

The (Musical) you had attended twice however i was saddened by the fact that i couldn't attend your POP. All of which i am deeply thankful that you had never failed to be there for me. Just like the days when you fetched me from work or school or so - though you had booked out or booking-in a little bit later. You'd find excuses just to meet me.


I always wondered why you had never gotten so sick of me even no matter how numerous times i had been selfish but yet you could be so patient with me. And for that, you had stole my heart. Your patience was full of smiles. You had never once felt so frustrated neither scolded me furiously. It didn't matter if i was in the wrong but you had the tendency to take the blame for me even when i told you not to. If that was your nature, الله must have had wanted my partner to be the water to always cool me down.

I know myself well too enough and i am a hot headed and stubborn girl who doesn't like to kid around. I'm overly-confident and that i never give up!

Your presence what made me had to lower down my self-esteem and be neutral. You showed me the true meaning of love. Every courtship i went through yet my feelings were always being cheated with bogus promises but الله gave you to me and everything i became to live up to, changed.




إن شاء الله (In Sha allah) if our jodoh would last, i can't wait to tell this to our children.

Since 2007 and up till now, we have grown up so much. From becoming a young adult to an adult and now planning for our future, إن شاء الله for everything. 




You've been part of my wonderful journey so far. From the day we started high school together, till your breakups, becoming schoolmates in ITE, BMT to POP to STARLIGHT to MILESTONE PARADE and ORD. I am looking forward to what will await for you after March 3rd.

This is when reality and responsibility become part of your life. It's not a burden but a requirement. I will forever be your supportive person, i'll be the 3rd lady to constantly nag at you. I'll be someone you need but someone whom you shouldn't let go off because i love you.

Though at times it scares me a lot thinking about losing you, i prayed too much that i felt like it's beyond my capability anymore. I laid my hopes and trust on الله.

Your phase is coming and mine has yet to come in 2 years time. After that to execute our plan accurately, إن شاء الله.

بسم الله ص رحماني ص الرحيم





Tuesday, February 7, 2017

LOST IN FEBRUARY

Welcome to February!

2nd week;
6th: IPC (Inventory Management Module) - Last test
8th: FOL (Fundamental of Logistics) - Presentation
9th: WMH (Warehousing and Material Handling) - Test*

3rd week;
12th: Ikha's Birthday // Family Celebration (Feb Babies Birthday) // Shopping with Kanda
14th-15th: Study Week
18th: Pops' Birthday // Food Hygiene Course

4th week;
20th-24th: Off Days in preparation for exams
25th: First aid Course

26th: Hidayah's Big Day!

I am definitely lost in February.
I don't even know where to begin with!

Seems to me that i've been stressing out a lot on my exams and test as well as the presentation.
Work so far has been good - manageable but wait till complaints and feedbacks come in. Unfair but it's part of the job! *Just keep smiling #positive*


The part time job as a Life Coach; i've met good and funny people. They've been good and that's what i like the most. Compared to my previous job, i guess i'm not really into office kind of stuff - it hasn't been part of my "tai-chi" (favourite/taste). It feels so stuck up! Especially you just gotta' watch over your sayings. Pfft! Can't even show more of what i have in me. I couldn't be free.

Lucky enough my aunt offered me a job as a Life Coach. Loving what i'm doing now!
Got myself a part time job and a part time course (school).

I am beginning to love and starting to like what i'm doing but what pressure me is when my mom starts talking about marriage with me. 2 years and counting down, i'm not even engaged to Taufiq yet. Next month will be his last month of serving his national service after 2 years. He hasn't gotten himself a confirmed job yet! Let alone treating his family to a feast.



I am certainly worried but so long as the both of us are ready and prepared for the long run together, we will definitely take it to another whole new level. After all, my Mom has always emphasize to me about the responsibility after marriage and most importantly the test of fidelity and strength. However not just right now. We don't feel like it's the right time; not just yet!

Someday - in sha allah!



Friday, January 13, 2017

BUCKET OF HOPES

What's in for the first week of 2017?

I had been staying at home and spending most of the time with my family;
and it's already Friday today.

Three more days to go till i am ready for work and fun. Hopefully..

Just yesterday i attended my practical pretty quite late because i was very annoyed with the computer system for not being able to tally slash be the same just like in the booklet. It was supposed to be easy-peasy!

Right after school, i called up Taufiq to check on him about his situation - because his grandma was at her losing end. Her children had made their decisions to pull out her oxygen tube and the rest would be on observation. I prayed that everything would go well for her.

I was told that she had a brain damaged - of which i am not very sure how it got triggered from doing something normal unless there had been some major fall. I'm not making any speculations or accusations but whatever happened lately, it got me reminded of my past. This is just the first week of 2017 and Allah must have had wanted me to remind myself of the days that i lost someone that i had always cherished for.

She was my great-grandma.

Her name was Apsah.

Her death anniversary; every 10th April.

I'm guessing that that was the crucial day that my grandpa and his siblings had to make a tough decision. As i am typing down, i'm reminding myself of the lonely days i had to go through at the age of 11+. Hari Raya hadn't been the same anymore every since then..

I vividly remembered that one of those days i came back from school feeling so happy and excited. I opened up the house gate and i thought that i saw my Mom crying. I wondered why so i asked. Later that day, the whole entire day changed drastically for me. I couldn't register and i was at my disbelief. Was what my Mom said to me could be true? So i thought to myself in dismay but i had already burst out crying so much that my eyes hurt. I couldn't stop wiping those tears away.

I changed my uniforms to house clothes and was waiting patiently for my grandparents. Then i remembered taking the taxi heading to the hospital. I cried and cried! The Uncle who drove us to the hospital had asked my grandma, why was i crying?

Nenek (Grandma) - said that i was very close with my great-grandmother. After finding out that she (great-grandma) was in a critical condition, i hadn't stop crying ever since the news got to me. Nenek was trying to coax me as much as she could. Atuk(Grandpa) - Sat quietly at the corner of the taxi seat. He seemed relax but yet something must have had gone through his mind. After all, we were rushing to visit his sick mother.

Upon reaching there, i was still crying. I hated the part where the thoughts of death kept playing in my mind. The thoughts of losing someone dearest to you and thinking of the times if they weren't there anymore because the feeling wouldn't be the same at all.

And the last time i saw her was when Great-grandma had all the tubes inserted in her and wires attached everywhere onto her. She couldn't speak. As i came closer to her and spoke to her while crying, her tears running down from the sides of her eyes, i knew she could listen but i guessed that she was hurting.

After her passing, it was the only time i had ever felt so lost and empty.

Today even after the passing of Taufiq's paternal grandma, i had reflections and that i didn't stop. I was more concerned about my love ones.

Then my thoughts would run wild about what if i were gone..

I'm pretty sure, death had never been a joke.
A death had always been about realizing that you had been blinded for too long.
It's like taking a toll.

...

Think about it..

Friday, December 30, 2016

ONWARD TO 2017

I got a new job - realizing after the interview that i'm joining the QSF The Enablers (before this was known as QS First) again. Somewhere back in 2008/2009, i was given a job offer by my aunt. I worked as a surveryor of which i called up outpatients on the phones regarding the services and facilities of the hospital. At that time i was engaging with outpatients mostly from Malaysia.

- And yes! Never knew some calls i did, i had to entertain some stupid poeple on the phone.

Today not only marks a new phase of my life but 2016 had been a roller coaster ride for me. I met so many temporary people and of which my 2 years of friendship with my classmate had goned to the drain and there wasn't anything to pursue in it anymore.

2016 taught me a lot about the importance of fighting for what you believe in! I gotta' say that, we all had decisions that would not promise us for tomorrow - best extend to Kim Russo (Psychic; Medium)




School started in Mid-Oct. First few lessons were okay but it got a little bit troublesome for some of us when it came to group work and some assignments that needed to be done. No kidding! We all got work and schooling part time - a new challenge for me because all those years i'm used to schooling in the morning and working part time in the night.

When i was working in Yong Wen;
There were so many things that i needed to get used to - and most of the changes that happened most of the time would be at work. Their constant changing of policies and expecting more from our department. It was stressful..

But i'm always thankful for having someone like Taufiq to listen to my endless complaints and rants and vice versa i did with him - but i'm not always listening to him as i'm always admiring him; MOST OF THE TIME.

Everyday we would always text one another about work and our lives - it didn't matter where we were at but so long as we shared regarding our lives events, it felt rewarding to have shared stories with one another.

I came to understand that loving someone was not just about caring or putting so much love for him. Sometimes curiosity kills the cat.

And just recently, it had been about a week that i had constantly preassurized him to the core. I didn't know what had gotten into me but i was pretty sure that all i wanted was 100% attention. That insecure feelings were killing me at the edge of my patience. ZERO TOLERANCE!

But it became too pricey for me to continue sulking and demanding things that i shouldn't. I had never been that obsessed with him like that before. However all is well. Alhamdulilah!

So it had been few days since i last resigned from the previous job.

I would begin thinking about my Pops. Wondered if he was doing all fined at work. Times - when he has to go for his lunch - he had the tendency to skip his meal. Sometimes when i had more on my side, i would make sure that he had some of what i had.

Now that i'm no longer working there anymore, i felt more concerned than ever before. 


I vividly remember those days when i met with the accident along the crossroad junction. Pops sprint and in a split second, he was there - right behind me. Ever since i started work with Pops, i learnt that the earnest thing that every fathers would do had always been about sacrificial and determination. That was what i believed in every fathers - their core value - their strength.

Pray the best of 2017 for me that i would do better and be adapted to the new environment and new field that i had applied for. Starting to feel stiffed about this new job..

In sya allah!

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

NOTHING HAS CHANGE

NOTHING HAS CHANGE..

The house still remain the same. Messy as it can be.
It's December and new year is this week.

Everyone is still fast asleep even after 10am.


Shoes and socks are still at their place.
We couldn't even be bothered that much because it's still the holiday.

HOLIDAYS ARE MEANT TO BE COUCHED POTATOES..

The house smells of Jabbie(s) - our small turtles - we haven't had the time to clean their waters yet.
No matter how many times i cleaned the house, i wiped and even became too obsessed with house deodorant just to make sure it stays clean but not for too long.. 


BUT SOMETIMES PEOPLE CHANGE AND SO THE WORLD WILL BE..


New houses and probably new neighbours coming in by the mid of next year.
New places to discover and hopefully a place for me to start on my own.


Even my cat - Sahara - just got a new comfy striped cushion for her to have her usually nap(s) under the sink *insert smirk face*..

Off all the places, i don't quite understand why it has to be there.

THERE UNDER THE SINK!  


 



Remember that my last post was dated back in October.
Well there had been so many occurrence in my life and there were things that i didn't expect it to happen.

A friend broke a news to me that she's getting back with her ex-husband even after knowing what she had gone through before. I kept a poker face because i didn't know how to register the situation at that time.

I would conclude that i might be happy but yet disappointed. Whatever it is, i'm not that kind to stoop at someone and force to change their decisions just over my selfishness. 


DECEMBER CAME..

SOMEONE HAD HIS MILESTONE PARADE
We were very proud of him! #twoaug





LAST WEEK OF DECEMBER

Christmas came and it was finally time to say goodbye..
It was indeed a roller coaster ride working at Yong Wen Food(s) Pte Ltd.

Till the next time,
Hope to see some of you around..







Wednesday, October 26, 2016

OCTOBER WEEKS

This week marks the last week of October.

Of all the months, by far October had been good to me and here's why..

The first few weeks i met with an Old friend of mine - one that shared bad and good days with me - for she was just someone whom i barely knew her as friend from starting.

15th October 2016;
The day that i had been looking forward to - when Taufiq's Mom got together quite well with my Mom. The day our mothers got so close as if they had knew one another for a very long time.


They had names that almost sound the same and they even had the same nickname - not to just say that, they even showed interest in the same interest in food - like eating and crunching on ice! (I mean, how could they even still be crunching on ice at their age; like wow!)

So as planned before hand 2-3 months ago, we had planned to bring them to Marina Bay Sands for a spend time together for our mothers. Not because they were complaining about not spending quality time and not treating them to something; it's just that they deserved to have their treats. After all they're our mothers! 
Years after years of taking care of us and here's to show our appreciation and gratitude.

We brought them to Haji Lane to get to know and feel the new ambiance-new environment; A Cafe @ The Mad Sailors. It was their very first time being there. Checklist; done!





After having had our dinner at Haji Lane; we proceeded to bringing our mothers to Marina Bay Sands (MBS). They knew we were going to watch Wicked the Musical but to their surprise, they didn't expect that the show/auditorium would be that big.






At the end of the show; we all had enjoyed watching the broadway musical. It was fantastic and apparently Taufiq fell in love with the accent of the show. The songs and the story line of which my mom didn't expect it would turn out to be so differently!


I have to say that i just had to get grips on their souvenirs even though i knew that i was out of budget. Hey! They don't come to Singapore always. After all that was their second time in Singapore. Previously i couldn't make it because i couldn't afford to purchase their tickets as i was still schooling and working part time wasn't enough to spend on two people; let alone four.


After the show we went to have supper at Lau Pa Sat but to our surpise - Taufiq and i, it turned out that Taufiq's Mom went ahead with paying our supper when it was supposed to be on us, our treat - their children.

But never mind about that - we still have other times to be treating her again. 

At the end of the day, we all had fun cashing out on mothers and it felt great to treat them once in a while! 

So much love for the both of them.
They even had an awesome night indeed. 

17th October 2016

Lessons commenced!
Three modules on different days..

Not much of getting to know one another in class..
Still too early to say..

25th October 2016 - 27th October 2016;

Swollen left eye infection and on MC for two days..
Missed lessons..


Tuesday, October 11, 2016

What's new?

If you had been visiting my blog recently, my blog was plain-simple.

One time when i was at work, i got bored and sick over the display pictures i had on my desktop. Same went for the screen savers because they had the same pictures.

So i thought to myself that i should put something new. While i was googling for Sia's HD wallpaper slash iphone, i came about with a floral wallpaper. Guess' i wanted something new for my whatsapp wallpaper too.

This became my new whatsapp wallpaper. #vintagelook

As i was looking for other pictures suddenly something struck my mind. I started searching for floral-vintage wallpaper and i came about with the ones that you see now as my blog-theme.

I felt accomplished with the new look to my blog now.

Apart from what you see in my blog, i'd love to share with you of what happened recently.

Few days ago i met up with a friend of mine for a karaoke session. It had been a very long time since i last met her for dinner at Tang Tea House. We had a lot of catch-ups together. I was more concerned of what's going on with her life ever since she went on her own way. I understood that she had difficulties in her life. Ever since then she had been working so hard to support herself and gained more confidence - i saw her as someone whom's completely turned into a new leaf. More matured but she's more afraid to fall in love. 

She felt at risk of loving someone new. She thought she didn't deserve any of it anymore because it was getting tiring for her. I wished i could help her but i promised myself that i wouldn't want to barge in the circles i was in before.

I wasn't trying to be bad. I knew very well that if i did go back to where i had been before, it would be a nightmare. It was difficult trying to walk out from the circle i was in back then. 

video

Back to about her, she wasn't someone whom i met when i was in school or so. I got to know her through an email she sent and she was someone's fiancee. He who's name should not be mentioned, was a skunk of liar. Took advantage of every girl's dream and made it into such a nightmare. Up till now, it's such a freak-out moment and a pain in the ass when i think about what happened years ago. It remained vividly in my mind.
 
It still haunts me!

No worries about how i am feeling right now because i feel much more better with Taufiq's presence.

However i pitied the latter. I realized that she had problems with her friends and when i mentioned about her friends, i knew her one and only best friend. He's so complicated.

If only he could realize the misdeeds he did. Sometimes he's too egoistic that he didn't know the hurt he had caused to his friends. He had lost me but he thought he hadn't. I was once sully by him - not physically but emotionally affected by his actions of which he didn't sees it.

But yet, he's too happy ongoing with his life.

Although i heard that he had arguments with his lady, things got bad but who cares!

I almost lost myself if it wasn't for him.

With whatever had happened recently, i prayed and wished the best for my girl here. I hoped that someday she would just walk out from the life she's having right now. I hoped that she'd find someone who deserves and treats her better.

The end.