Set On Blue

So i guess this post has to be something special. Compared to the rest of the post, there hasn't been any picture included in it. I don't really know where i should start but there's something definitely good about him and that i don't wish to start doubting.

By far he has been a best friend for 8 long years. From someone i had never like to someone i would care for and love to be with him forever. I won't lie the fact that he may have looked very weird and nerd that i myself didn't realize how bad i was compared to him. I never knew i would fall in love for his charming look. Perhaps maturity and puberty got us looking from just ugly duckling to a swan. 

| 8 years 8 months 15 days |

He's someone who has never give up; on me and on us. God knows how persistent and determined he was that i was the one for him. When i feel down about something, i don't understand why he would annoy me with positive notes but i never knew, that i would even fall in love for his nonsense. I couldn't be angry towards him. I don't know why but i realized how much we've gone through together putting up with our shits. Well of course i felt more like the latter putting up shits and giving him such remarks that could even hurt him deeply. I don't know how he managed to put up with myself; my stupidity, my nonsense, my ego, a hot headed-stubborn person like me.

So far so good and alhamdulilah!
I never knew we would be together. Probably one of the reason was that i was tired of running away from God's creation and his destiny. I might have friend zone my own best friend but then i was beginning to fall out of place. People here and there have been talking about the great chances of me accepting my best friend as someone who's more than that. I would have liked somebody else but i didn't want to let go of someone who has been there waiting for me for those many years - although he was attached with somebody else, perhaps to recognize his sincerity towards me would be the years he had been there for me.

I didn't mean to reject him or so but because i wanted someone who is by far different and much better than him, i cornered him too deep. I must have been filled with too much ego and fooled myself that those men i met - thinking they would be the prince to my fairy tale story - just a consequences; a mistake i should learn.

'I love you' is just not something you say but to show that particular part of you wanting to be with somebody. Though he says it most of the time, i could not bring myself forward to say the same thing. The trauma and phobia i had made me feel more conscious with everything i do.

But someday when all of these ends with 'Sah', i'd be glad that my fear would end there. Thereafter i would summit myself to my lawfully husband and Allah.

Oh dear God, guide me through tough times and shine on me with your greatest light out of this Duniawi. Show me your guidance, lead me to your place and not astray.