8th March 2016 (Tuesday) was my last major exam. The moment i stepped out from the door of the examination hall, i told myself that that was the last time i would ever want to think about exams. Well hopefully i did well.
After weeks of stress, i finally managed to get myself out from the discomfort i had - too many things went on in my life. I had to deal with school projects, the kind of people involved in the group, my relationship with Taufiq and my family. The last few weeks of school, i had the worst 'health attack'. I had sudden pain to my stomach and my abdominal area. I had to endure so much pain that one of those days, i almost fell unconscious in the toilet. However i was glad that Shiva was around when i was in deep pain. I was given injection and soon after i recovered. Alhamdulillah!
I was physically recovering but i was still emotionally affected by the people around me. I prayed to Allah hoping that i could pull through all these tiresome obstacles. I was on a rough journey with Taufiq too. Since i was emotionally needed, Taufiq could barely spare some time for me due to his work (NS). So i began ranting and i was pretty quite upset with him but i constantly told myself that i shouldn't just blame on him. In fact i tried blaming myself the most because i felt as if i was being demanding and selfish. I did not intend to stress him down with all of my craps but i wasn't able to cope with what i was feeling. I just needed to let it all out and so i thought i did.
Honestly i thought to myself that i could do this - being his girlfriend from the starting of his NS and up till now and so on and so forth. I thought it would be easy but it was more like a test. I apologized to him numerous times regarding my actions and demands. Whatever i did, i am very afraid of losing him but at the same time, at the back of my mind, a whisper kept reminding me frequently.
"I don't want to be the kind of girlfriend to stress him down with all of my nags and finding out later that he complains to his mates in camp about how stressful he is. I know i have to set limits and look at the situation he is in. I don't want to be hearing stories from others about me for being such a reckless person. I'm afraid that if i ask for more, it's stressful for him and when i care less, it affects us more."
So taking in and giving away some, it was a win-win situation. Recently we managed to talk out and compromise with one another. Our main problem was, we missed each other very much. His schedules took too much time out from his relationship with his family and me. I would usually encourage him to spend more time with his family but he was very stubborn; up till now. That actually made me more stress because i wouldn't want his family to say that i was his priority - just not yet. So we had our ups and downs. A very rough and tough journey. I wondered if i would be able to cope through with the times he'd be off to Taiwan for at least a month later. Only God knows.
For me to get off of all this bad vibes off my chest, i would usually do hiking or go scouting at unknown places that i had never been before. It had always been very therapeutically for me. It releases the tension and the state of depression i was in. So i took Shiva, Maya, Syarul and Dharshini out on a hike from Hortpark to Henderson Waves and lastly Mount Faber. Unexpectedly on that very day, i had the worst pain again at my abdominal area. Yes. If you were thinking of what i was thinking, you are definitely right. Bad day to start off with though. That sucks big time!
It felt great coming back to these places. I really wished that Taufiq was around. We could have probably talked more and less photo taking though.
The only time i had to guide the rest through the place and out to Harbour Front.
I was in pain and yes i was.
All i had in mind was to think positive.
I found myself lost and i came to realize that i missed being the funny stupid kid who was used to be very juvenile, gullible in many ways but still stand up for her own belief. Things change and i had to be strong. I promised myself that i will. In shaa allah!
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